This is a compilation of emails and letters from the last twenty years that I have had the privilege of following up with. These complaints have stood out as funny, ridiculous, obscene, or just “plane” crazy. So buckle up and ENJOY!
Introduction
Anyone who has flown commercially has probably experienced flight delays, lost luggage, uncomfortable seating arrangements, rude passengers and crew, or countless other aggravations associated with air travel. When combined with the stress of travel itself, these incidents often trigger over-the-top reactions from passengers. They want recompense, and they need to vent.
For more than 20 years, I was a customer care representative for a major airline. I had the privilege of being on the receiving end of these complaints. I was called some of the most vulgar names and wished some of the cruelest fates imaginable. Yet I must admit, I laughed out loud at the level of vitriol spewed by these passengers and the outlandishness of their compensation demands. But I don’t envy those in my former position at airlines today. Post-COVID, flight cancellations and delays have only increased. So have the number of bags lost, damaged, or mishandled, despite fewer bags checked. Consequently, complaints by airline passengers have soared and continue to increase.
As you will see by the complaints in this book, compensation for the impact these incidents have on passengers is a common theme. The standard airline practice of offering limited voucher refunds is confusing and unsatisfactory to most of the passengers who lodge complaints, often causing them to lash out further. Some people not even experiencing flight delays ask the airlines for favors, like the guy who thinks having a good Australian accent entitles him to a free trip to Australia or the woman who was robbed of her cash, credit cards, and cell phone while on business in London and asked the airline for a $2,000 loan that she would pay back when she got back home.
The title of this book reflects the tendency to blame the airline for anything that goes wrong before, during, or even after a flight. If, for example, you find your toothbrush smells funny after a flight, an airline employee must have done something to it. I dealt with countless incidences of this kind. I kept many of these letters and decided to share the more entertaining ones.
Some of these letters have been edited for clarity and brevity. The names have been changed to protect the insane. Otherwise, for the most part, I tried to keep them as authentic as possible. So buckle your seat belt, make sure your seat is in the upright position, turn off all cell phones and electronic devices, and enjoy.
– Francis F. Farrell
Dedicated to the memory of John V. Vedder, one of the funniest people, ever. Taken from us way too soon.
My Toothbrush Smells Like Ass! Copyright © 2023 Francis F. Farrell - All Rights Reserved First Edition, PAGE PUBLISHING, Conneaut Lake, PA - First originally published by Page Publishing 2023. Cover Design by Nora M. Kamberos
Printed in the United States of America
Contact the author: [email protected]